My Life Story
I was "rescued" from my parents as a young chimp by some well-intentioned animal behaviorists. They were concerned that my parents weren't "cultured" enough to help me develop the talents I possessed, obvious even at my young age. So I was taken to the big city, where I learned to read (Curious George and The Jungle Book are still my favorites!) and write. My adoptive parents treated me as one of their own. I was educated at the finest private schools, attended social functions with diplomats and international dignitaries, and even engaged in lively debate with a Nobel prize winner or two!
As I neared my tenth birthday (we chimps age a little faster than humans... but we also learn quicker) I felt something was missing in my life. While I fully appreciated the unique opportunities afforded me, and I realized I was living a better life than most primates (except for that Anaheim Angels' Rally Monkey! That little bugger... all he has to do is jump around and everyone treats him like a celebrity!) I realized I needed to put my experiences to use and give something back to society.
I returned to my homeland, my beloved Congo, to complete my schooling. After earning a doctorate in animal behavior, specializing in monkey business (it was easy... I was already an expert in the subject) I visited my real parents near the place of my birth (dare I call it "home"). My parents are wise old chimps and they encouraged me to travel to America. They told me that America has the greatest opportunities, and Americans need the most help to recognize them. They assured me that America was the best place for me to share my knowledge and benefit the human race.
So I traveled to America on a banana boat (how else?) and soon secured a position at a research institution (as a researcher, not a subject!!) I now regularly give lectures on the importance of hard work, education and personal responsibility, and I dedicate myself to sharing the wisdom of my parents. Of course all of my lectures are PowerPoint presentations because I do not speak human languages (hey, give me a break! I don't have a voicebox!) and most humans refuse to learn my language.
Thank you for your interest in my life! Please follow my example: work hard, appreciate your education, and dedicate yourself to providing some benefit to humanity. If a monkey can do it, so can you!